My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize