Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
