ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
