I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i came on her dog
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
