Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
