Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize