My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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