WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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