I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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