he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
