I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
