yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
