Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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