she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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