I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
