Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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