my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how do flat chested girls get laid?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
