So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
