just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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