it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
