Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize