dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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