I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
