is your mom at the bar?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
