lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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