you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
