yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
