If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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