YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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