I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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