Jerry, you need to find god
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I party with great urgency now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
