What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
