We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
