I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
