I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
