she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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