I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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