craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
