Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
