you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just high enough for therapy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
