I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
