i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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