Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I could make wine with my vomit
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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