Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
