have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
