So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize