My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I queefed so loud it echoed.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming