I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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