I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize