I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.