is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
