Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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