The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
