I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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