Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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