No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
