after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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