before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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