Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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