so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
