he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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